The art of conversation on OkCupid
We think it's best when conversations are between people who are interested in each other. However, on OkCupid (unlike other sites) you have the opportunity to send an introduction to someone before they've liked you.
This means when they first see you, they'll see your full profile and your introduction at the same time, which is a great way to pique their interest.
And messaging on OkCupid is always free!
How to send an introduction
1. Like them
From DoubleTake, swipe right or click the star icon.
From Match Search/Discovery, visit their profile, and click/tap the Like button to bring up the message button.
If you Like each other, we'll always let both of you know for FREE right away.
2. Visit their profile and send a message
To find a profile you've liked, visit the Who You Like page (the star icon on the app).
Once you've liked someone, you'll see a "message" button on their profile. Click to compose an introductory message and send! Please note: You can only send one initial message, so make it a good one!
If the other person hasn't liked you yet, you won't see their profile (or your sent message) until they like you back. This is so you don't waste your time on people you've already reached out to.
3.Wait for their response
Once you've messaged someone, we'll make sure to promote you to the person around the site so you catch their eye! We always make sure people who have sent introductions get moved towards the front of DoubleTake.
The person you've reached out to will see you in DoubleTake and elsewhere around OkCupid, and can look at your profile and your introduction together at the same time.If they're interested in you, they can Like you back. This will move your message to the "conversations" page for both of you, so you can write to each other any time. You'll also get a notification that they wrote to you and Liked your profile.
What to Say
Don't say "Hey"
Or hi, hello, or howdy. Or even "hey there"! You need to show some effort here.
Keep it to 40-90 Characters
You don’t have to pour your heart out in message #1. Just a few lines (shorter than a tweet) statistically puts you in the best spot for success.
Just like you would with a potential date in real life, express genuine interest. Lead with a short message that has something to do with an interesting photo or detail you noticed in their profile. Mentioning something you have in common helps, too.
Don’t Be Too Familiar
People aren’t interested in being told how ‘sexy’ they are by a complete stranger and those types of messages aren’t likely to lead to a good first conversation, if they lead to one at all.
Mind Your Grammar
Based on OkCupid data, bad grammar is a turn off. We haven’t tested whether ironic misspellingz count, but trust us: complete, grammatically correct sentences make for better conversation starters.
In Summary: Date Like You Do In Real Life
How to see new introductions & Messages
DoubleTake (the swipe interface on the app) shows you profiles one at a time.
If someone has sent you a message, you'll see "They messaged you!" along with their photos - we always make sure you know who has messaged you, and we put them towards the top of your DoubleTake queue if they sent you a message, so you won't miss them!
On the app, tap on the DoubleTake card to view their full profile. From there, you'll see the message they sent you right below their photos.
On the web, you'll see the message below the photos on DoubleTake automatically; you can also click "View Profile" to jump to their full profile.
On Match Search/Discovery
You can also see messages in Browse Matches (the magnifying glass icon on the app).
Anyone who has sent you a message will have blue around their photo in your search results. We'll place them towards the top so you don't miss them.
To see their profile and the message they sent you, click/tap on the thumbnail icon to see their full profile.
Replying to messages
As soon as you Like someone, the message will move to your conversations page (the speech bubble icon on the app). You can also reply to the message right from their profile page!