How to send an introductory message to someone

We think it's best when conversations are between people who are interested in each other. However, on OkCupid (unlike other sites) you have the opportunity to send an introduction to someone before they've liked you. This means when they first see you, they'll see your full profile and your introduction at the same time, which is a great way to pique their interest.

How to send that first introduction to someone:

1.  Like them

  • From Discover, drag their photo to the right or click the heart icon. 
  • From Questions, visit their profile, and click/tap the Like button to bring up the message button. 
  • If you Like each other, we'll always let both of you know for FREE right away. 

2.  Visit their profile and send a message

To view the profiles that you've liked, who haven't liked you back yet, you can navigate to Likes > Matches > People you like (under the mutual matches section).

Once you've liked someone, you'll see a "message" button on their profile. Click to compose an introductory message and send! Please note: You can only send one initial message, so make it a good one!  

If the other person hasn't liked you yet, you won't see their profile (or your sent message) until they like you back. This is so you don't waste your time on people you've already reached out to.  

3.  Wait for their response

Once you've messaged someone, your intro will go to their Intros tab. We'll also add you to their Discover queue, and let them know you sent an Intro! We always make sure people who have sent Intros get moved towards the front of Discover.

The person you've reached out to can visit your profile to view the Intro you sent them, along with the rest of their profile.

If they're interested in you, they can Like you back. This will move your message to the "conversations" page for both of you, so you can write to each other any time. You'll also get a notification that they wrote to you and Liked your profile.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I HAVE to like someone to message them?

Yes, you do have to Like someone to send them a message. We want conversations to be only between people who are interested in each other, so you have to Like someone before messaging them.

Please note that if someone messages you, and you’re not interested in them, there is no expectation on our end that you tell people that you’re not interested. You can just pass on the profile and move on. They will not be told that you Passed on their profile. They also will not see your profile again on the site, and you won't see them, so it won't be awkward.

If you’d prefer to tell someone in a message that you're not interested, that’s fine! But you would have to work within the messaging system, which means liking someone before messaging them.

If you still need help, you can email a friendly human.

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