Dating a Man with Kids - Our Guide for Single Dad Dating: Explore the Rules, Benefits, and Challenges You may, or may not, have considered dating a man with kids. But if you’ve met a dad who you click with, you now may be wondering why anyone would rule out single dad dating. It's definitely a different ball game than dating someone without kids. Dating a single dad can mean you’re not the number-one priority in his life. But with your love goggles in place, you wonder: how hard can it be? And if it is hard, could dating a man with a child also be worth it? Of course, if you care about the person, the answer is yes. So let's dive into how to date a man with kids and whether it’s right for you. Is Dating a Man With a Child Worth It? The short answer is yes, absolutely. While more strings are attached and the road to a long-term relationship can be tricky, someone who has kids knows about the importance of commitment and connection. Just like dating a woman with kids, chances are, he wants to find a partner who fits into his family's lifestyle and will be a good role model for his children. Maybe you have children of your own and have hopes of merging your two families together someday. But how to date someone with kids is a different story. It’s unfamiliar territory, and you should familiarize yourself with what to do and what to avoid. Rules for Dating a Man with a Child – The Do's and Don'ts Don't ask to meet his children too soon Maybe you're excited to meet them and learn more about his family. But don't rush things and ask to meet his kids before you’re both ready. It's probably going to be awkward and upsetting if he says no or the meeting doesn’t go well. Don't expect to be his top priority It can be a hard pill to swallow, but dating a man with a child means he will—and should—always treat his child as his number one; ultimately, he may just have multiple “number ones” if you join the picture. You shouldn’t expect to take up all his spare time, as he probably doesn't have a lot of it. The last thing he wants is the silent treatment if he chooses to watch his daughter's ballet instead of joining you for happy hour with your friends. Do go with the flow Dating someone with kids requires lots of flexibility, especially if you don't have dependents of your own to worry about. Between work, school, and play dates, your partner probably has a fair bit to juggle. If you don't like the sound of changing plans and a few canceled dates, that may be one of the reasons not to date a man with a kid. Don't play games He's unlikely to have time for mind games, so relax and enjoy the reprieve. If there's something you're not getting from the relationship or you're not sure of where you stand, bring it up to have an open conversation about it. Do live your own life Your boyfriend may be hard-pressed for time, so make sure you're not revolving your days around seeing him, as this could breed resentment over time. Get dinners with friends, continue with your own hobbies, and make an effort to have fun on your own. (This is great advice for all relationships, to be honest!) Do practice patience Dating a single dad requires a lot of patience and understanding. Not only will you have to be patient with his schedule and his children, you should also be patient with your relationship progress. He'll be the one who has to explain things to his kids if you break up, so try to be understanding if he wants to take things a little slower. Do expect more baggage Whether he's divorced, a widower, or has split up with the mother of his children, prepare for a backstory. If you’re dating a divorced man with kids, he probably still has his ex in the picture. Expect some emotional baggage and understand that he may be wary. Don't try to become his kids' mom Enjoy being a friend instead, especially if you’re dating a man with a teenage daughter. You have the luxury of being a good cop, so don't worry about being their disciplinarian to begin with. It could feel invasive for the kids if you start acting like another parent. Ultimately, as your relationship grows, you and your partner can decide how much of a parental role you take on—which will also be dependent on his ex’s feelings and status in the child’s life. Don't try too hard While you should make an effort to be friendly, children can sense insincerity a mile away. Be authentic and let a friendship with the kids develop organically. Do communicate Being flexible doesn't mean being a doormat. Your needs are important, so make sure you set some ground rules. It could be as simple as "we need quality time without the kids around each week." Be upfront about what will help you, and have an honest conversation about anything that is bothering you. The Benefits of Dating a Single Dad Many people find long-term relationships with single parents fulfilling and fun. Here’s why. He likely has a sensitive side There’s nothing like a child to help a man find his soft side. Between baby talking, comforting crying toddlers, and navigating the rigors of adolescence, your partner won't be a stranger to kindness, patience, and sensitivity. He knows how to look after himself (and others) Doing laundry and supermarket trips are probably second nature for him. When you're dating a man with a child, it's unlikely you'll need to keep reminding him to buy shampoo and hand soap. Enjoy dating someone who doesn’t need hand-holding for everyday chores. Mind games are often moot He'll be getting more than enough games with the little ones. And if you're dating a man with a child, he's probably had tough conversations about co-parenting before. Try to take what he says at face value. Enjoy the ‘kid’ things We all crave the occasional cartoon or evening spent at an arcade. If you don’t have kids yourself, this is a chance to channel your inner child without worrying so much about the tricky parts of parenting. What are the Challenges of Dating a Single Dad? We won't sugarcoat it: There's a reason why many people say they will never date a man with children. Schedules get complicated, there’s not much alone time, and his kids could take some time to warm up to you. Here are some of the disadvantages of dating a baby daddy. You get more than you bargained for You signed up for a nice single guy, and you got it, but you also have the emotions and wellbeing of his kids to worry about. While you won't be their caregiver, at least not off the bat, dating a man with a child means you're bound to get a taste of dad duty—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Been there, done that Perhaps you don't have kids yet and want some of your own one day. It’s time to ask yourself whether you mind dating a man with a child from a previous relationship. Does it bother you that he’s already been through parenthood with someone else? Is he open to having more children one day? While it's not really a first date question, it's worth broaching the topic before you both get in too deep. Finding the time Between working, looking after his kids, and catching up on his sleep, he might not have much time and energy left at the end of most days. For many, this winds up being one of the biggest reasons not to date a man with a kid. His children will always take priority, as they should. But you're important too, and you deserve someone who can woo you. Have a conversation about where and how you could fit into his life. Accepting the Ex Dating a divorced man with kids means there’s likely an ex in the picture. There could be some complex feelings and history between your partner and his ex, and it's understandable for you to feel a little insecure about their history together. All the same, if you want to thrive as a couple long term, for the sake of their family, try not to make that relationship with his ex any harder. Feeling left out Get used to feeling like a third wheel in your own relationship. Dating a man with kids and feeling left out is totally normal, but if it’s a strong relationship, ultimately you’ll begin to feel part of the crew. Prepare yourself for some insecurities and second-guessing at first. If it's causing you more angst than you think is good for you, it's time to question your future together. Harboring jealousy or resentment toward his children isn’t healthy for anyone. Winning over his kids Traditionally, the stepmom or new partner doesn’t have a good reputation. Think Meredith Blake from The Parent Trap or the Wicked Stepmother from Cinderella. It means you're on the back foot from the get-go, and you have to make an effort to prove you're not the wicked witch type. Show patience when dating a single dad and play the long game with his kids, because a dicey relationship with them could put a strain on your relationship with him. Breaking up with someone with kids Breakups are never pleasant, but explaining a breakup to children you’ve grown close to would make it a whole lot harder. Once you've met his kids, there's no going back; you both have more than your own wellbeing to think about. So, when should you meet your boyfriend’s kids? How Long Should You Wait to Meet Your Boyfriend's Child? Let your boyfriend decide when he's ready for that big step. We recommend giving it between three and six months so you can be sure you're serious about each other and your future together. It’s also a good time to discuss when to define the relationship, so you’re both on the same page. Psychologists suggest waiting until you’re both committed to a long-term relationship with one another before you bring children into the picture, as breaking up with someone with a kid adds extra heartbreak. Before asking yourself when you should meet your boyfriend’s child, go through this checklist to make sure you’ve considered everything. Have you defined the relationship? Ask yourself what kind of future you see with this man. Have you considered the disadvantages of dating a baby daddy? Find out about his children: their interests, hobbies, and personalities. Make sure you know his backstory and his relationship with the child’s co-parent now. Discuss how you will manage your conflicting schedules. Set your boundaries. Moving Forward - How to Bond with your Boyfriend's Child Thought meeting the parents was nerve-wracking? Meeting your boyfriend’s child can make that look like a breeze. First meetings are always a bit awkward, and it’s no big deal if it doesn’t go perfectly. The best thing you can do is prepare and know what to expect. 10 Top Tips for Meeting your Boyfriend’s Kids Introduce yourself as their dad’s friend to start It's a far less loaded way to be introduced, especially if you’re dating a man with a young child. It will help you to come across more gently and let them get to know you in a more light-hearted way. Avoid PDA Maybe you’re still in the honeymoon stage and can’t keep your hands off each other. Even so, try to tone it down while you’re around his kids, especially to begin with. Seeing their dad kiss and cuddle a virtual stranger could be upsetting and might sour their first impression of you. Speak nicely about their mom He might not have great things to say about their mom, but make sure you never badmouth her around the kids. Be the bigger person and do your part to encourage a healthy family dynamic. Make an effort with the little ones Whether you're dating a man with a son or a daughter, or both, pay attention to what they like. Head to his son's sports games or help out with homework where you can. If you’re dating a man with a teenage daughter, you may even be able to offer advice and insights they wouldn’t get from their dad. Don't overstep You don't want to start acting like their parents when you've only met them a handful of times. And if the kids’ mom is in the picture, you don't want to make them feel conflicted about spending time with you. Show interest Ask them questions about their lives and show an interest in their friends, hobbies, and school. It’s the best way to show you care without overstepping. Give teenagers their space If you're dating a man with a teenager, it's worth treading lightly until they get used to you being around. Be friendly, approachable, and don't treat them like a small child. Let them have quality time with their dad Whether you’re dating a man with a young son or grown daughters, try not to interfere with the time they spend with their dad. Encourage him to take them on dad dates without you there. It will also help them understand that nothing has changed between them and their father, and that having you on the scene won’t mean significantly less one-on-one time with their dad. Be compassionate If you're dating a divorced man with kids, remember that they'll have some emotional baggage too. Many studies show that children grieve and often blame themselves when their parents split up. While it can feel frustrating if they don't warm up to you straight away, do your best to be patient and empathetic. Be yourself At the risk of sounding like a kids’ TV show, don't change yourself for anyone else—even for your boyfriend's children. While you should put your best foot forward and be a good role model, remember your guy already likes you, and he'll want his children to get to know the real you. Dating a Single Dad in a Nutshell So, is dating a man with a child worth it? Yes. It might feel like scary stuff, but a child from a previous relationship doesn’t have to stop you from pursuing someone you feel strongly about—in fact, oftentimes they end up being an added bonus! Every relationship has its challenges, and it’s no different with single parent dating. If you’re reading this, chances are you already have someone in mind. Maybe it’s time to have a conversation about the future and where you might fit into each other’s lives.
