First Date Conversation Starters You Have to Try on Your Next Date - Including First Date Question Examples Table of Contents What to Talk About on a First Date First Date Conversation Starters – How to Connect with Someone You’ve Just Met Funny First Date Questions – How to Break the Ice Get to Know Each Other Better – Deep First Date Questions Thought-provoking Questions to Ask on a Date - Intrigue Your Partner What Not to Say on a First Date - the Questions You Should Avoid Final Thoughts from OkCupid We get it. First dates are hard. They can be intimidating, stressful, nerve-racking—and if all of that weren’t enough, awkward silences are a thing. But don’t forget -- first dates can also lead to completely life-changing partnerships, too. All of that sweating and shaking? It might be well worth it if you push through. Successful, committed relationships have been found to improve one’s mental and physical health. What’s more, when asked about their post-pandemic plans, daters were 12.4 times more likely to say they’d like to find someone special rather than date around. Without a first date, though, there’s no possibility of a relationship—so how do you make the date the best it can be? Well, turns out there’s actually not much point in sweating it too much. Chemistry often presents itself on the second date, not the first. Thanks to the previous first-date conversation and the more relaxed nature of a second date, you’re more likely to be in tune with your body. Plus, it’s not only about physical attraction! There are many factors at play when you go on a date, including emotional engagement, manners, and the topics of conversation. The first date doesn’t need to be perfect. All you need to know are some amazing first date conversation topics to avoid that awkward silence, and you’re good to go! Here is our comprehensive guide to first date conversation starters, including the best questions to ask on a date. What to Talk About on a First Date Bringing up hobbies, jobs, and families as the basis of conversation might sound boring—shouldn’t you have more interesting things to say? Yes, absolutely. You do need to start somewhere, though. When looking for things to talk about on a first date, you probably shouldn’t take one of the most thought-provoking questions you can find and throw it at your date straight away. Instead, let them acclimatize. Ask about the basics. In the long run, it’s the basic things you have in common that matter a lot. According to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research, a spouse who considers their partner to be their best friend is nearly twice as satisfied in their marriage compared to others. Share Your Hobbies Hobbies say a lot about you. Plus, they’re the gateway to connecting on a deeper level with someone. If you’re both bookworms, bam! The next two hours can be spent discussing your favorite fantasy series or your view on the most popular classics. Moreover, a person’s hobbies will naturally become a part of your life if you continue to date them. The sounds of a piano might turn into the background music of your daily routine, and the passion for DIY can completely transform the way your apartment looks. Talk About Your Jobs in an Interesting Way “What do you do for a living?” may seem like a relatively standard question, but jobs do play a huge role in our lives. If you want to inquire about your date’s job, some good questions to ask on a first date include: What made you choose this career? When was the first time you decided to become a *insert career option*? What’s your favorite part of your workday? Discuss Where You Come From If you both come from vastly different cultures, this topic opens up the space to learn more about each other’s experiences and worldviews. This lets you see your date for who they are and watch out for any deabreakers. Sharing the same culture is fun, too—there’s so much to bond over, whether it’s your favorite TV shows as kids, the best restaurants in town, or memes only you can understand. Coming from the same place might be the first step toward a deeper connection. First Date Conversation Starters – How to Connect with Someone You’ve Just Met Interestingly, you can ease your dating anxiety by nourishing a curiosity mindset. According to research, curiosity can help you get out of your head and focus on the positives of the date. And questions are excellent for that! While we don’t want a date to feel like an interview, asking questions is the best way to get to know your date and also show interest at the same time. Before you dive deep into the funny, interesting, or thought-provoking questions to ask on a date, here are some basic dating conversation starters that will automatically foster a connection: What’s your favorite childhood memory? What would your ideal day look like? What are you most passionate about? If you could live anywhere in the world, what place would you pick? Do you have a bucket list? What’s on it? What’s your favorite meal? Do you like to cook? Are you an early bird or a night owl? Do you have any big dreams you want to achieve? What do you like most about yourself? Would you say you’re an introvert or an extrovert? Instead of firing off question after question, give your date the time to elaborate on their answer. It’s best to then reply with a follow-up question or a story of your own. This helps the dialogue move forward in a fluid and natural way. A pro tip: If there’s an awkward lull in the conversation, don’t be afraid to change the topic and ask a completely different question. Your date will most likely be happy to talk about something new and keep the discussion flowing. Funny First Date Questions – How to Break the Ice According to research, humor is extremely valued by singles looking to form a relationship. While not everyone is a pro at jokes, all of us can be funny in one way or another, whether it’s sarcastic banter, cute clumsiness, or some very specific mannerisms that define you in the best way. If your date makes you laugh, you’re much more likely to enjoy the date and go on a second one, right? Here are some funny first date questions that have the potential to spark laughter between the two of you. Everyone is different, though, so some questions might work better than others based on who you’re on a date with. Have you ever fancied a cartoon character? Who was it? What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard? What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you? What’s your guilty pleasure? What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? Have you ever friend-zoned someone? What friend-zone signs did you show and did they get the hint? Could you eat a hamburger in one minute? If you could have one superpower, what would you choose and why? Are you afraid of something really silly? What’s your biggest pet peeve? Is tomato a vegetable or a fruit? If the two of us were to start a band, what would we call it? What do you think about the age-old toilet paper question? Does it go over or under? Fun fact: 98% of OkCupid singles say it goes over. Have you ever made a move on a guy or a girl that turned out to be really silly or embarrassing? These first date ice breakers are all good first date questions because they have the potential to set a light-hearted mood and help you open up to being more vulnerable. Vulnerability strengthens the connection between the two of you and allows you to share the deeper parts of yourselves. Get to Know Each Other Better – Deep First Date Questions As the conversation progresses and you both grow more comfortable with each other, it’s time to dig deeper and touch upon your core values, worldviews, and opposing opinions. Your life philosophies and central beliefs are definitely some of the things to talk about on a first date because they form such an integral part of who you are. You don’t have to see eye to eye on every single aspect of life, of course! Ideally, though, you should agree on many of these. If you don’t, it might be a deal breaker depending on how much you value your specific beliefs. Here are some deep first date questions: What’s your opinion on social media and technology? Do you believe in God? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What’s been the toughest year of your life so far - if you don’t mind me asking? What do you think about the current political climate? What are some of the biggest deal breakers for you? Do you want a family? How would you like to bring up your children? If you could live in a utopian world, what would it look like? What are your thoughts on climate change and sustainability? Are you a spiritual person? These questions are the perfect way to broach a topic close to your heart and inquire about your date’s opinion. The discussion will also help you see how they handle a potential conflict and if they quickly resort to subconscious defense mechanisms, such as projecting their fears onto you or avoiding direct answers. Thought-provoking Questions to Ask on a Date - Intrigue Your Partner If you want to see how your partner reacts to some fascinating and unusual questions, here’s a list of our thought-provoking questions to ask on a date: Would you rather be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? If you could take three things with you to a deserted island, what would they be? If tomorrow was your last day on planet Earth, how would you spend it? If you had all the money in the world right now, how would you decide to lead your life? Do you believe in destiny? Do you think we all live in some sort of matrix? Or is this as real as it gets? What’s the key to happiness? If you could watch back all your memories, would you do it? Do you believe there exists an objective truth? What do you think happens after death? Questions like this not only reveal your date’s personality but also trigger some fascinating conversations about things we don’t usually think about as much. It may be super interesting to explore these metaphysical queries with the person you’ve just met, especially because we usually tend to stay in our own little social bubbles full of people who generally agree with us. Asking some thought-provoking questions on a first date might enrich your own worldview because you may get to hear an opinion from outside your comfort zone. What Not to Say on a First Date - the Questions You Should Avoid While we always recommend you try to be your authentic self on a first date, there are some first date topics you should probably avoid. Irrespective of gender, no matter if they’re questions to ask a girl on a first date or a guy, they may make your date uncomfortable and cause some awkward dynamics. These questions include: What’s your sexuality? While some people are okay with sharing their sexuality openly, others see it as a much more personal matter. Asking about sexuality right off the bat can make your date feel uncomfortable. This usually doesn’t apply to people who meet on OkCupid or an app since sexuality is generally displayed on profiles.In general, however, avoid asking about sexuality. Why are you still single? And why are you still single? This question may come across as off-putting because it implies there’s something inherently wrong with being single, which simply isn’t the case. There are many reasons for people to remain single. Since your date’s sitting across from you, giving you the chance to find and foster a connection with them, it’s better to simply be happy about their single status rather than over-analyze it. Spend your time exploring who they are, instead. Can you see this relationship going somewhere? Uhm, excuse me, we’ve known each other for one hour… Even if you’re on the lookout for a long-term, committed relationship, a first date shouldn’t be something serious and stressful. It’s better not to take yourself too seriously—just have fun! You most likely can’t tell whether this is the right person for you after a few hours of talking. Broaching the subject of “us” is something to consider for your consecutive dates. Keep the first one light-hearted. Why did your last relationship end? Yet again, one of our first date tips is to keep the tone casual and friendly. Asking about your date’s last relationship might bring up some painful memories. Plus, they may not be ready to discuss something so personal with someone they’ve just met. The question also automatically focuses on the negatives—you’re basically inquiring about whether something bad happened and if your date played a role in it. Instead of targeting the negatives so early on, you might ask them what their ideal relationship would look like. What’s your body count? Ouch. Talking about sex on a first date is a no-no. Unless the topic gets brought up naturally and both parties seem to be okay with it, avoid asking about sex whatsoever at this point. Some people may be more private than others and wouldn’t want to disclose such information after just one hour of talking. Asking how many people someone has slept with before discussing other aspects of sex can also seem off-putting. Are you asking for a specific reason? Does their answer matter to you and why? It really shouldn’t matter to most people; 85% of people on OkCupid say they don’t care how many sexual partners their date has had. Final Thoughts from OkCupid As intimidating as first dates can be, they’re also amazing opportunities that can end in life-lasting marriages, tight-knit families, and sometimes even fulfilling friendships. Asking the right questions on a first date is important because it sets the tone for the relationship itself. It also lets you connect on a deeper level much quicker, which then saves you a lot of time if you’re simply not a match. Fortunately, since OkCupid asks thousands of matching questions to find you someone compatible, you generally have a good idea on whether or not you can connect over shared interests and beliefs. And you can also look to our questions as conversation starters, too. Remember: Keep things light and interesting, be polite, don’t let anyone cross your boundaries, and make sure to stay safe.
