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What Is Love Bombing in a Relationship and What Does It Look Like? Discover All the Love-Bombing Signs and Red Flags

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Falling in love is like a drug. 

No, really. Research suggests that love can literally be addictive. If you’re madly in love with someone new, the rose-colored glasses are basically stuck to your face like super glue. 

At such a vulnerable early stage of a relationship, this is when you might subconsciously choose to ignore all the red flags that can lead to a toxic cycle later on.

And love bombing is definitely one of those warning signs. 

Here’s a definition of love bombing according to psychiatrist Dale Archer, M.D.:

“Love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.”

Are they always buying you lavish gifts, refusing to take no for an answer, and expressing their undying love for you after the magical 7 days, 5 hours, and 43 minutes you’ve known each other?

(Don’t worry, they’ve kept count.)

Yeah, you might be dealing with a love bomber. It’s always possible it’s just a major crush – but better to be safe than sorry. 

Read on for a much deeper take on all the signs of love bombing and how to deal with being love bombed!

What Is Love Bombing and Why Is it Dangerous?

So, what’s love bombing and what’s the difference between love bombing and love?

First of all, love bombing isn’t actually genuine. 

It’s a strategy. A love bomber wants to not only make you fall deeply in love with them but also feel indebted to them. 

This makes it harder to leave them later on – guilt will wash over you in waves when you try to remove yourself from the situation, because, well, they did take you on an expensive holiday to Italy…

… and then sent you a bouquet of flowers every single day for a whole month…

… and said they’d seen you two marry in a dream. That must be a sign you two belong together!

Research has shown that love bombing is positively correlated with narcissistic tendencies and unhealthy styles of attachment (anxious attachment and avoidant attachment). 

It’s also negatively correlated with self-esteem – love bombers can go above and beyond to give you the world because they intrinsically don’t think they’re good enough in and of themselves to keep you.

It can also be a narcissistic power play, as well as an extreme expression of fear of abandonment. 

Love bombing is very dangerous because it inherently creates a toxic dynamic in the relationship. The whole concept actually dates back to sociopathic cult leaders who used it to entice people into becoming their followers. And many succeeded. 

That’s how powerful the strategy is!

While your partner may be sweet and just excessively romantic at the beginning, their low self-esteem or narcissistic personality will soon start shining through in other areas of life, too. We’re talking possessiveness, extreme jealousy, and psychological abuse.

Not to mention that your boundaries might get completely erased over time. By then, it’s a lot more difficult to cut the person out of your life. 

It’s never impossible, though – always remember that.

Note: If you’re in an abusive relationship, reach out for help to a relationship helpline or family and friends. There is always a way out, no matter how hopeless things may seem. 

Love Bombing vs Infatuation – What’s the Difference?

While infatuation is far from true love, it isn’t related to psychological abuse or emotional manipulation. That’s where it differs from love bombing, which is an actual strategy – no matter how subconscious it may be. 

As an excessive passion for the person you’ve fallen in love with, infatuation is mostly governed by biology. The beginning stages of a relationship are so deeply consuming because they trigger your brain to release dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin – chemicals that are all tied to reward behavior. 

Basically, just seeing your new partner walk through the door gives you an intense feeling of success. Who wouldn’t get high on that feeling?

Infatuation lies in the idealization of your partner and passion that borders on obsession. However short-lived it may be — before it either fizzles out or turns into love -– the feelings are actually genuine. There's a true interest in who you are as a person.

Love bombing, on the other hand, mostly serves to boost the ego of the love bomber. If someone else stood in your place right now, would it make that much of a difference to them?

It’s unlikely. That’s because, for a narcissist, a relationship is often a transaction that serves their own purposes.

I’ll shower you with love, and you’ll shower me back. I’ll give you the world, and you’ll do as I say.

Oh, and you’re not allowed to leave me now that you’re indebted to me. Obviously.

Am I Being Love Bombed?

One of the ways to tell if it’s love bombing is to analyze how you feel in the relationship. Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel overwhelmed by their intense expressions of love?
  • Am I surprised by how quickly things have moved – and not necessarily in a good way?
  • Are there any red flags I know I’m ignoring because I want this to work out?
  • Does it feel like they love me for me? Do we know each other well enough for them to be so madly in love?

It can be hard to figure out the answers to these questions because love bombing can often feel amazing, especially at the very beginning of a relationship. 

When someone shows you love, it boosts your self-esteem, not to mention that your fear of loneliness gets subdued and any doubts about your lovability vanish into thin air. 

This person loves you so much, surely this is what true love is like, right?

Unfortunately, not always. Here are some more love-bombing signs:

5 Love-Bombing Examples & Red Flags

When a narcissist love bombs you, one of their motives is to entice you and “capture” you as soon as possible. That’s why the relationship seems to move so fast. 

To quote Professor Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.:

“When we think of a love-bombing campaign, we need to remember that the end goal is to win. When the narcissist uses this strategy, he or she does so to capture their prey before the prey gets too wise to the game.”

There are many common red flags that point to love bombing:

  • They express their love way too soon and way too much

We’re not discounting the possibility of love at first sight. 

Most relationships, however intense, do move at a pace, though. Feelings get affirmed and reaffirmed as the weeks and months go by.

Love bombers ignore such relationship stages. Without any consideration for how fast you want to move, they quickly resort to saying things like:

  • I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you. Here’s an extremely expensive gift I bought just for you!
  • I believe we were meant to be together. I can’t imagine my life without you.
  • I can’t wait to marry you and have a family with you.
  • I love you so much it hurts. You’re my soulmate.

Alright, slow down, friend…

  • They want to commit quicker than you can say “love bombing”

You’ve known each other for a month, and they’re already talking about marriage. While other people are busy going exclusive, you’ve already moved in together, bought a dog, and share a bank account.

That’s most love bombers' ideal scenario, anyway.

This is because once you’re reliant on them, they feel they can drop the façade. Love bombers don’t actually love you, which means they can just as easily turn on you or stop caring about you altogether. 

If they say things like:

  • I don’t see a reason why we shouldn’t move in together. Are you scared of committing to me?
  • Why don’t you want to get a pet together? Come on, don’t you love the idea of sharing something together?
  • I know we’ve known each other for a short amount of time but I’ve literally never felt this way about anyone. You’re perfect. Let’s marry!

…then it might be worth it to take a step back and analyze the situation. 

Pressuring you into committing before properly knowing you is one of the best ways to define love bombing. 

  • You literally do feel love bombed via text messages

It’s absolutely normal to want to text nonstop when you fall in love. 

You’re basically addicted to each other because of all the chemicals wreaking havoc in your brain, so… you get a pass, okay?

It’s important that both of you have the same expectations and respect each other’s space, however. 

Studies have found that couples who have similar texting habits have reported a greater relationship satisfaction. This means that you should both be comfortable with how your texting life goes. 

If your phone is constantly blowing up to the point when you don’t have the space to yourself at all, it may be a love-bombing sign. 

It gets even worse when the same amount of energy is expected of you in return. Love bombers send messages such as:

  • Hey, why aren’t you responding? I’m sad. ☹
  • Don’t you have time for me or what? I always make time for you. It’s about priorities.
  • If you loved me, you’d check your phone to answer me. 

This lack of respect for your space and privacy in a relationship is yet another sign of love bombing.

  • They expect you to return the favor

One of the biggest differences when considering the love bombing vs love question lies in the nature of what true love actually is.

True love is selfless. It consists of loving the person for who they are independently of you.

One of the love-bombing red flags is that you are only loved when relevant to your partner and when you act based on their preferences. 

If you don’t return their love and passion with just as much fervor, you’re suddenly not good enough.

If you don’t show enough gratitude for all their grand gestures, you don’t truly love them.

So, what does love bombing look like in this case? Here are some examples:

  • I literally always do everything for you, and you can’t even pick up your phone to call me on your break?
  • Let’s go to France! I’ll pay for everything, don’t worry. I want to spoil you. You can repay me in other ways. *wink*

  • Monitoring all the way

Some love bombers slowly introduce possessiveness and obsessive monitoring into the relationship. They might check your social media all the time (read here for more on social media red flags) or ask you things like:

  • I’d like us to share our phone locations with each other just because I worry about you. Can you turn it on for me?
  • Where are you? Why aren’t you picking up? I’ve called you so many times, I’m scared something happened to you!
  • Oh, you’re going out with your friends tomorrow? Alright, I’ll be there at 6 PM.

How Long Does Love Bombing Last?

According to a case study that analyzed toxic relationships with narcissists, love bombing can last up to half a year before a big shift in behavior. 

This largely depends on the individual relationship, as well as the type of narcissist. Alignant narcissists, for instance, focus on power and profit, and they love bomb for only 3.5 months on average.

Since every situation is individual, it’s important to take these findings with a grain of salt. If you’re only being loved bombed for one month, for instance, it doesn’t change anything about the serious nature of the situation.

If you’re asking yourself, “Is she or he love bombing me?” it means there’s already a cause for concern no matter how long it lasts.

Is Love Bombing Always Bad?

In short, yes.

Love bombing is a form of psychological abuse and can severely impact your mental health. What’s more, it often leads to an abusive relationship down the line. 

Before you decide to completely block the person out of your life, though, make sure that you understand what love bombing means and that their behavior fits the common love-bombing signs described above.

Your partner might just be madly in love with you. They might also be a narcissist.

You can tell the difference by their responses when you try to establish a healthier dynamic. 

How do you do that? Let’s see!

How to Deal with Love Bombing

If you think you’re being love bombed, it’s important to protect yourself. You can also tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist based on how you act. 

For instance:

Establish healthy boundaries and be assertive

It’s a common sign of love bombing to disrespect boundaries and act as if they don’t even exist.

When you assertively tell your partner what your boundaries are and ask them not to cross them, you can tell a lot by their response. 

People madly in love will most likely:

  • Apologize for crossing your boundaries, be respectful, not act angry, and promise not to cross them again. They will keep their promise.

Narcissists will most likely:

  • Get upset with you, express anger, sadness, or coldness, and might try to gaslight you.

It’s also best to politely refuse their lavish gifts and tell them you’re uncomfortable with such grand gestures. This way, you can’t be indebted to them later on.

Learn to recognize narcissists

People with a narcissistic personality disorder exhibit traits such as:

  • An inflated sense of importance
  • A lack of empathy for others
  • An excessive need for attention
  • A past of troubled, unstable relationships

If the person you’re dating fits the description of a narcissist, it’s best to walk away from the relationship. 

A narcissist’s self-centered nature doesn’t fare well in stable healthy relationships. One way or another, they usually manipulate the dynamic to their advantage.

Reach out for support

Every time you get into a new relationship, it’s vital to stay in touch with close family and friends who care for you. 

Abusers tend to distance the victim from their support circle – don’t give in! 

Having any sort of support is immensely helpful when you’re in a toxic relationship, and it’s also the security blanket you need when you manage to finally get out and cut the narcissist out of your life.

Walk away if the love bombing continues

If your partner refuses to respect your boundaries and won’t stop love bombing you even after several attempts to explain the situation to them, it’s best to walk away as soon as possible. 

This is because you may easily get sucked into the narcissistic cycle of abuse if you’re not careful:

  • Love bombing: intense affection, everything seems perfect
  • Devaluing: criticism, put-downs, aggression, arguments
  • Discarding: the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship
  • Hoovering: the narcissist uses manipulation tactics to get you back

Rinse and repeat.

In such a case, we recommend you end the relationship sooner rather than later.

It’s hard to break up with someone who seems too perfect to be true – but that’s exactly the problem: They’re not real. It’s all a façade. 

You deserve to be loved, not love bombed.

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