Lesbian Dating Advice & Tips on Gay Flirting & First Dates: How to Do it Right and Start a Great Lesbian Relationship

Contents

The Lesbian Dating World - How to Start?

5 Lesbian Dating Tips for Successful First Dates

Dating Mistakes to Avoid

What’s Next? The Day After the Date

Using OkCupid as a Lesbian Dating App and Site

If you are new to lesbian dating, it can feel like entering a whole new world. How do you meet someone who excites you? How do you draw clear lines between friends and lovers? Are there different kinds of lesbians and what kind of lesbian should I date? These are all common questions when it comes to lesbian dating.

In this article, you will find advice and tips for meeting great available lesbians, making the first move, asking a lesbian out, and top first lesbian date advice. If you are asking how to date a lesbian, you will find some of the answers you are looking for here. The rest you will learn on the exciting journey that lies ahead of you.

The Lesbian Dating World - How to Start?

For many people, knowing where to start in terms of meeting someone you might be interested in dating can be the biggest challenge. Hoping to a meet potential partner by chance can be challenging, since approaching a woman when you are unsure of her sexual orientation can be a little scary.

 

Read on as we look at where to meet available women and, when you meet someone you like, how to ask a lesbian for a date.

1. Put Yourself in a Position to Meet Available Women

So, our first piece of lesbian dating advice is to put yourself in a position to meet other eligible women. There are lots of ways to do this. If you are comfortable, tell people you know about your sexual orientation, as they may be able to introduce you to other lesbian friends.

And don’t shy away from dating apps! These can be great places to start, as not only will women indicate their sexual orientation and interest, but you’ll know that they too are looking to make a connection. Over time, your lesbian circle will grow and you will meet more eligible women.

Top tip! A third of lesbians on OkCupid say they are most likely to respond to a message if the sender asks them a question. So spend some time thinking of fun and flirty questions you can use to break the ice.

2. Learn the Lesbian Lingo

As you start talking to other lesbians, familiarize yourself with the lesbian identities and labels that many choose to identify with. This will make conversations run more smoothly. But don’t assume that everyone conforms to stereotypes. Use the established labels as a guide, but don’t stick to them rigidly. However, they can help you figure out the kind of lesbian you want to be, and that you want to be with.

3. Don’t be afraid to make the first move

When you meet someone you like, don’t be afraid to make the first move. Most women find that kind of confidence endearing, and they will likely be honest but kind in their response if they just aren’t interested. Plus, since you are dating in a somewhat more limited pool, if you have your eye on someone, chances are that someone else does, too. Don’t miss the boat by being afraid to ask.

How to ask a lesbian out? In the same way that you would ask anyone out! But make sure you are clear that you want to go on a date. Otherwise, there can be confusion about whether you are interested in them romantically or just as friends.

Online Lesbian Dating Tips

If you are looking for a partner online, here are a few specific pieces of lesbian online dating advice.

• Be clear about your sexual orientation in your profile, as many women won’t be looking for someone who has not come out or who’s unclear about what they want.
• While you want your messages to be flirtatious, remember that they are probably genuinely interested in getting to know you and seeing if you are compatible. Lesbian texting rules include having genuine conversations for a deeper connection, not just small talk and gay flirting.
• Always send open-ended messages that ask for a response or their opinion on something. Short messages such as yes, no, or OK usually shut down the conversation. If they send these messages frequently, it is generally a sign that they aren’t really interested.
• How to ask a lesbian out over text? Flirting by text can be less stressful, but also challenging since it is much harder to interpret how the other person is responding to you. It is important to strike a balance between being too obvious, which can be off-putting, and too coy, which can leave the other person confused as to whether you just want to be friends or something more. When it comes to actually asking them out, it is best to be direct. Don’t say you want to hang out; say that you want to go on a date. Don’t leave them confused about where you stand.

5 Lesbian Dating Tips for Successful First Dates

First dates can be hard, no matter who you are dating. But while there’s lots of advice out there for heterosexual dating, there is less information available for lesbians. So read our top five lesbian dating tips for the first date.

1. Plan a Memorable Date

There are few things better than a night out where getting to know someone feels easy, the conversation flows, and you feel like you can talk about anything and everything under the sun! But, what separates a great night out with a friend from a great date? Chemistry!

The first of our lesbian first date tips is to plan a date that is different and memorable so that it feels special and adds an element of mystery. Rather than going to dinner, for example, go on a food walking tour. Rather than hitting a museum, sign up for a museum treasure hunt. Not only will this distinguish your date, but activities that involve the unexpected or even some adrenaline have been shown to stimulate a romantic connection.

But all this said, don’t get so hung up on planning something unique that you forget to be fully present and give your date and good conversation your full attention. A fun date is the icing on the cake, but you need the cake too! So if it’s as simple as coffee or a walk, it can still be meaningful if there’s chemistry.

2. Be Fully Present

The fastest way to make a connection with someone is to be fully present in the moment. This means giving them your full attention, and not letting yourself be distracted by your cell phone or anyone else who may have walked into the room.

It means asking questions, really listening to their responses, and showing a genuine interest in getting to know them as a person. While they will surely have questions for you, don’t fall into the trap of just talking about yourself all night.

3. Prepare for your Date

Hopefully, when the two of you meet up, you will just click and it will feel effortless. But thanks to nerves, this doesn’t always happen, even when the two of you are highly compatible. Give yourself a confidence boost by thoroughly preparing for your first date.

Dress to impress, not just to make a good first impression but to give yourself a confidence boost. For most of us, when we look good, we feel good. 

Also, prepare a few interesting topics to talk about just in case the conversation doesn’t flow the way that you had hoped.

4. Offer to Pay

Who pays on a lesbian first date? There are no specific rules, and everyone has their own personal preference. According to surveys conducted with OkCupid users, 39% of lesbian daters say they are open to any form of payment, while 37% say they prefer to split the bill.

So, even if they asked you out, don’t expect your date to pay the bill. Be prepared to offer to pay your share, or even treat them if you suggest an expensive bottle of wine or a fancy dessert. Of course, the last thing you want to do is get into a debate near the end of the date about who pays. So, be flexible and adapt to the situation.

5. Prepare Yourself for Intimacy

There is nothing wrong with getting intimate on the first date if it’s something that you both want, but you should prepare yourself. If you are relatively new to lesbian sexual encounters, you should do your research about what to expect. It can make the initial experience more enjoyable for both of you.

Also, consider bringing protection with you in case it’s needed. Yes, women can pass STDs between one another. Using protection shows that you respect yourself and your partner. Use dental dams during oral sex to protect against STIs, and always make sure that toys are properly cleaned and sanitized before they are used.

Dating Mistakes to Avoid

If you know anything about dating, in any context, then you know that first dates can go terribly wrong. Maybe you have nothing in common and no chemistry, or your ex unexpectedly shows up. But on top of all of this, there are other specific lesbian dating problems that you may encounter.

Below are our top five lesbian dating help tips to let you avoid mistakes.

1. Don’t Overshare

One of the great things about lesbian dating is that the same woman can be your best girlfriend and your lover. But don’t confuse the two on your first date. Don’t fall into the trap of telling your date about your ex or embarrassing health issues just because these are the kinds of things you usually discuss with your female friends.

They probably don’t want to hear about it. And you might also inadvertently sabotage taking things further by putting yourself in the friend zone. Look out for these signs that you are stuck in the friend zone.

2. Don’t Play Hard to Get

Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen is age-old dating advice, but it doesn’t tend to work well in the lesbian dating scene. The woman you are interested in might just take you at your word that you aren’t that interested, or they may decide they don’t want to risk getting hurt and just walk away.

Finding a catch can be hard enough, so don’t push them away and potentially into someone else’s arms.

3. Don’t Fall Too Hard Too Fast

When you’re new to the lesbian dating scene and don’t actually know that many lesbians, it can be hard not to fall hard for every new woman you meet who shows romantic interest in you. But, if you give into those feelings without being sufficiently self-aware about where they are coming from, you can end up in an unhealthy partnership.

While there is nothing wrong with some hot dates with a “bad girl,” consider your overall compatibility before getting in too deep.

4. Practice Safe Sex

There are no hard and fast rules about when you should feel comfortable about having sex with a partner, even on the first date. But don’t assume that just because there is no risk of pregnancy, that you don’t need to consider protection when having sex with a casual partner (rather than a long-term partner).

A variety of sexually transmitted diseases can be passed between women, including herpes, genital warts, and HPV. Protection designed specifically for lesbians exists.

5. Be Careful Who You Choose to Date

If you are new to the lesbian world, you will soon discover that it is bigger than you imagine. However, it is not so big that you can afford to burn bridges and alienate the people who love and support you the most. So avoid dating the exes of your lesbian friends unless you feel confident this person could be someone really important in your life.

Also, dating a bisexual woman who has a boyfriend can be difficult, even if they say they have an open relationship so make sure you’ve both established what you’re comfortable with - and what the boyfriend is comfortable with - before dating.

Lesbian women are often approached as desirable individuals to be a unicorn - the third partner that joins an existing couple as a secondary partner. Make sure you understand what exactly that would mean for you before jumping in. You can learn more about unicorn relationships here.

What’s Next? The Day After the Date

If you have a good time on your date, don’t be afraid to call them the next day and tell them so and set up your next date. But taking the next step after a successful first date is not always straightforward, not least because the stages of lesbian dating tend to move faster than in heterosexual relationships.

It is not unusual for two women who hit it off on the first date to start a lesbian relationship right away and even be living together within the space of a month. This is partly due to chemistry. Women release oxytocin when they are falling in love and having sex. It encourages deep bonding, so relationships between women tend to build more quickly.

But just because your hormones are telling you that it feels right doesn’t mean you should immediately start merging your life with someone else’s. To have a healthy lesbian relationship, the best lesbian relationship advice is to be aware that your hormones may be playing havoc with your emotions. Think carefully about when and how to define your relationship.

Lesbian relationship rules can be hard to learn because the line between being best friends and being lovers is very murky. But, this is also what can make a lesbian relationship so rewarding. So follow your instincts.

Using OkCupid as a Lesbian Dating App and Site

OkCupid has worked hard to create a safe and welcoming space for anyone looking for a connection no matter their gender or sexual orientation. There are scores of options available for expressing your gender and sexual interest, and you can fine-tune your privacy settings so only the people you want can see your personal details.

If you are looking for a connection, OkCupid is designed not only to let you swipe through appealing photos but also to enter into deeper conversations to assess your true compatibility.

Download the OkCupid app today to find your next lesbian date.