How To Make The First Move On A Guy? 6 Tips & Advice for Every Situation Table of Contents Making The First Move - Promising Tips and Tricks for Starting a Conversation With Guys How To Make A Move On Someone You Know - Facing The Challenge How To Make A Move On A Guy In The Virtual World - The Art Of Online Dating Our Conclusion Often, the biggest obstacle to getting to know someone better on a romantic level is finding the courage to make the first move. While traditionally, in heterosexual relationships, men have long been thought of as the ones to make the first move, but is this idea outdated? It certainly is. Do guys like it when you make the first move? Of course they do! Who doesn’t like it when someone shows they’re attracted to them and are interested in getting to know them better? Besides, most men are just as nervous about making the first move as you would be. But of course, it’s not easy. Fears of rejection or ‘messing it up’ and embarrassing yourself are completely normal. That’s why we have put together this article. Read our top tips to help you tackle some of the biggest challenges when it comes to making a move on a guy. The same tips can work for anyone, of any gender or orientation, who is interested in making the first move on their crush. But Won’t I Look Desperate? But, how to ask a guy out without sounding desperate? How many times we have heard that question! But do you actually think a guy sounds desperate when he asks you out? So, why do some women think they will appear desperate or pushy if they do the same? OkCupid data shows that most heterosexual men actually like it when women send the first message. It shows they know what they want and are confident to go after it. Women are also more than twice as likely to get a positive response from a man when they make the first move. In fact, our research exploring the women’s advantage suggests there are many benefits that come with women taking the initiative in dating. So really, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Making The First Move - Promising Tips and Tricks for Starting a Conversation With Guys Many people talk about flirting and “picking up” dates as if it is some skill you’re either born with or not. But in reality, the things that can make a big difference aren’t that complicated. These are our top tips for taking some of the stress out of making a move on a guy and ensuring the experience is generally positive, even if they don’t turn out to be interested. Check Whether He Is Available Much heartbreak can be avoided by determining whether a guy is actually available before you put the effort into making a move or become emotionally invested in their response. It’s normal to ask someone questions about themselves when you first meet—it’s part of getting to know each other. So make sure you also ask whether they have a partner or if they are in a relationship. It will probably seem like an innocent enough question and won’t “give you away.” Try To Be Lighthearted When you are chatting with the guy you like, try to keep things lighthearted. Use observational humor (without being mean about other people) and talk about fun subjects. Save the deeper and more challenging topics for when you are actually on a date. The best way to connect with someone is to be present in the moment and interested in them. Ask them questions and focus on them, rather than on what is happening elsewhere in the room. Of course, talk about yourself too, but don’t fall into the trap of just talking about yourself all evening. Smile, A Lot The human brain is programmed to find smiles attractive, and most people will interpret a genuine smile as a sign that you like them. That said, it can be surprising how often we forget to smile when we are deeply focused on someone. So, every now and then remember to ask yourself if you feel like smiling. If you do, go ahead and smile. Make Physical Contact Physical contact is another clear indicator of interest. It will signal your interest to the other person, and the way they respond to that contact will also indicate to you what they are thinking. But we aren’t talking about unsolicited contact or uncomfortably occupying someone else’s personal space. A light touch on the arm while speaking can be enough to signal interest without crossing any boundaries. If your touch was welcome, the other person may also begin casually touching you on the arm while speaking, or making sure their hand is in close proximity, inviting you to have closer contact. If it wasn’t welcome, they will probably create more distance or barriers between the two of you. This is a clear sign to back off. Buy Him A Drink One of the most tried and tested ways that men make a move is offering to buy someone a drink. You can use this, too! It is a great way to show that you are interested, and it gives them an opportunity to respond to the drink offer in a way that can indicate their own interest. Choosing your favorite beverage or something unusual can also be a great conversation starter. Moves guys love to use are often great moves to also use on guys. Be Confident In Yourself Despite centuries of pondering, the world of attraction is still largely a mystery. No one really knows why we’re attracted to certain people and not others. So if someone indicates to you that they just aren’t romantically interested, don’t take it personally. Give yourself a pep talk, or get one from a friend, and remind yourself that you’re looking for someone who will be just as into you as you are into them. It is important to remember these things when you approach someone and things don’t go exactly as you would have liked. How To Make A Move On Someone You Know - Facing The Challenge Making a move on someone you don’t know can feel much more comfortable than making a move on someone you already know. With the former, you don’t have as much to lose if they say no. You aren’t risking an important friendship, professional relationship, or excessive gossip from friends if they just aren’t interested. But how do you make a move on a guy when he’s already a friend? This can be a bigger challenge because it feels like a risk. If they aren’t interested, you may still have to see them frequently. If they are a good friend, it can make the relationship uncomfortable going forward. If you have friends in common, they will probably talk about it, too. But when you like someone and want to take things to the next level, you need to go ahead and make your move. How To Make A Move On My Guy Friend Making a move on a friend can be hard because you are already in the “friend zone.” Your regular “getting to know you” flirting techniques are unlikely to work if you already know each other well. Subtle touches on the arm aren’t likely to indicate much if the two of you are already comfortable with physical contact. Before taking the plunge, you should look for signs that your feelings are reciprocated. It can be challenging, but look at things like his body language when he's around you, and whether he reaches out to you to hang out or even just to chat frequently. Also, consider how much attention he pays you when you are talking and whether he remembers what you say. These can all be signs that he has feelings for you too, even if he hasn’t identified them as such. If you see these signs, you might wonder: is he waiting for me to make the first move? Possibly, he might be holding back because he thinks that you consider him to be ‘just a friend.’ If things look good, start to spend more time alone together. Go out for drinks or to a movie, just the two of you. Ask him to go on a run with you or participate in other physical activities. This can give you the opportunity to use more traditional forms of flirting in an intimate setting. So smile, laugh, get physically close, and see if things feel right. If it comes to crunch time and you need to tell him how you feel, try to be direct without making a big deal about it. Try something like: Lately, I think I’ve been having more than friendly feelings for you. Once you have said it, you don’t need to get into details. Fight the urge to fill silences with words if he takes a while to respond. Let him process. If he responds positively, great! The two of you can start exploring what that means. If he says that he just doesn’t feel the same way, accept it and try not to let it affect your relationship. How To Make The First Move On A Guy At Work Are you interested in a co-worker or client? In most workplaces, there are no written rules about a romance between colleagues or with clients. However, it is worth bearing in mind that relationships that develop in a situation where there can be a potential abuse of power—for example, a manager and a direct subordinate—are generally frowned upon. Again, this doesn’t mean these relationships can never happen, but they should be carefully considered. In fact, all workplace romances should be carefully considered. Remember, if the person you like says they are not interested, or if you date for a period of time and things don’t work out, you will probably have to keep working together. Plus, workplaces tend to be close-knit communities where word travels fast. You can expect to be the subject of quite a bit of gossip. So, it is important to ask yourself, “Should I make a move on him?” before taking the plunge. Plus, don’t forget our first top tip for making a move: first check if he is available. Just because a man doesn’t talk about his partner at work doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have one. And flirting doesn’t always mean that someone is interested or available. Save yourself a lot of potential trouble by making sure he is available first. The key is to be discreet. He probably won’t be impressed if you make him the main topic of gossip because you tell all of your co-workers that you’re interested in him. Keep it between the two of you at first and avoid the urge to discuss the subject with colleagues. If you need to talk about it, choose non-workplace friends. See if you can spend time together alone in non-professional situations. You can volunteer to do the coffee run together or invite him to sit with you at lunch. When you are ready to ask him out, go for coffee or drinks away from work situations so you can see what he is like in “real life,” and make your move while in a non-professional setting. How To Make A Move On A Guy In The Virtual World - The Art Of Online Dating You won’t always be face-to-face with a guy when you want to make a move. You might have met them on OkCupid, you might already have their number, or you might know each other through Facebook or Instagram. The principles of making a move are the same, but there are also a few other things to consider. How To Make The First Move On A Guy Online If you are talking to someone on a dating app, making a move can be relatively easy, as both parties already know you’re there looking for a connection. So, it’s not a matter of dancing around the issue but rather determining whether you both want to keep moving things forward together. Make a good opening Just because someone is on a dating app doesn’t mean that you should be heavy handed in your approach. Most people want to get to know you a bit first before you ask them out. Send them a lighthearted message that references something they included in their profile. This shows that you actually read it and didn’t just look at the picture. To ensure that the conversation opens up, make sure you end your message with a question so it warrants a response. Keep Messages Open-ended As shared, make sure that all the messages you send are open-ended and invite a response. Ask questions, or give your opinion in a way that invites the other person to share theirs. Short responses such as yes, no, and OK tend to shut down the conversation. If their replies to you tend to be short and closed-ended, it may be a sign that they aren’t really interested. Message Regularly But Don’t Over Do It If your messages ping regularly on their phone, it will keep you in the front of their mind, which is exactly what you want. But, while you shouldn’t let the conversation die, don’t send multiple unanswered messages. Many men will consider this a red flag in terms of clinginess. But also don’t worry if they don’t reply to your messages right away. They are probably just busy rather than avoiding you. Be Flirty But Not Explicit You do want to indicate to your crush that you are interested in them, so your messages should be flirty. But go for funny, provocative, or complimentary over sexually explicit. If you are too explicit, you can potentially send the wrong message in terms of what you are after and you want to make sure you are not sending anything explicit that’s unsolicited. How To Ask A Guy Out Over Text As you build up your connection through your messaging, you are probably hoping they’ll go ahead and ask you out. But you may also decide that you need to do it yourself in order to move things forward. When the time comes, the best approach is to be direct but not intense. Be clear that you would like to go on a date, so he doesn’t think that you are asking him to just hang out as friends. But make it casual rather than something that you have built up in your head. Try something like: I love chatting with you, and I’d love to get to know you better in person. Let me take you out for a drink. How To Make The First Move On A Guy Over Text Texting can be a great way to start connecting with a guy. You have the chance to think about what you want to say before you say it, and you don’t have an audience to make you nervous. However, it can also be harder to interpret how things are going since you don’t have physical and vocal cues to read. If you are initiating a conversation from scratch, have a good reason for sending the first message. A good plan can be to tell him that you are looking for advice or a recommendation. But while this might be your justification for the text, make sure your message is personal and not “all business.” After this, follow the same good practice tips for chatting with someone on a dating app to ensure that you move things forward in a positive way. How To Make The First Move On A Guy On Instagram If you don’t already have someone’s number, Instagram or a similar social media platform can be a great way to get the conversation started. Get Interactive If you aren’t already on their radar, liking posts and leaving comments can be a great way to get their attention. But keep your comments friendly rather than overtly flirty. Remember that those comments are publicly visible. If he starts responding to your posts in a similar way, that is a great sign. Reply To Stories To take the conversation to a more personal level, send responses to their stories. This will get you into private DMs. Leave specific comments rather than using the automatic emoji responses. When messaging with them, use the same principles as when using a dating app or texting. In particular, don’t continually send responses to all their stories if you aren’t getting a response back. You want to show that you are interested rather than appear like you’re too invested for no reason. Our Conclusion It is surprising how many women still ask whether it is bad for them to make the first move on a guy. But social and psychological research suggests that women should be more proactive when it comes to asking for what they want in life, be it a date or a pay raise. Not only will it increase their personal fulfillment and happiness, but it is essential if we ever want true gender equality. Do guys like it when girls make the first move? Of course they do! But how do you actually make the first move as a girl? The principles are the same as it is for guys. Show him that you are interested and try and determine whether he might be interested, too. This can mean offering to buy him a drink, smiling and laughing when you interact, and a light touch on the arm to see if the physical contact creates any sparks. That might be all it takes to show him that you are interested, and things might move forward naturally. If not, but you think the chemistry is there, go ahead and ask him out. The worst that can happen is that he says no and you’ll be free to look for a more compatible match. So come on, show us what you’ve learned. Download the OkCupid app and make the first move!
